To My Son in Heaven
Only now looking back can I so clearly see that it’s the little things that make life special and grand.
It’s been days, weeks, months and years since I last wrapped my longing arms around you and breathed in your scent but I still remember exactly how you smell.
Like teenage dreams, the wonderment of possibility and what some might consider an overly aggressive dose of axe body spray.
I remember the way you could make me smile and the way it warmed my heart like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter’s day.
I remember the way the light would make your hazel-ey brown and sometimes greenish eyes sparkle and how they felt like home to me.
We think it’s the big things that make life special and grand but it’s never the big things.
Even now sitting here missing you so much my heart could burst, it's the little things I hang onto.
The tiny moments in between.
Like laughing on the kitchen floor until cheeks hurt and sharing silly inside jokes that only we could understand.
I miss singing in the jeep with you; completely out of tune and without a care.
I wish we could go for a drive and sing our favourite songs like we used to.
I miss the look on your face when one of our fav’s would unexpectedly come over the radio and the way you'd relish in your own delight when you found a new tune I just had to hear.
Our songs are still my favourite songs but they sound different now.
Everything is different now.
It’s always the tiny moments in between though; the little things that make life special and grand.
Loving you is easy though. It’s always been easy.
Hearing our favourite songs without you is the hard part.
Knowing we’ll never have a new favourite again is the part that takes my breath away but it doesn’t change the fact that loving you is easy or that you’ll always be my favourite DJ.
All the little moments with you, all of the little parts in between, they made my life special and grand.
You made my life special and grand and I will always relish in the fact that I got to be your mom.
I'd do it all over a thousand times or more even if it meant I'd have to say goodbye and lose you again and again because being your mama has been and continues to be my greatest honour.
XO Princess Mama
*{[Inside Joke]}*
***Please sit in every tiny moment in between just a little longer today, relish it, memorize it and for the love of everything don't forget it's never the big things.***
Tiffany Agnew's son Braedon Beebe Lyon died in 2018 just four months after his 18th birthday.
His short life transformed every part of who she is and he continues to guide her from afar. She has found healing through writing, speaking, coaching and the work she does with with The Braedon Foundation which she founded in his memory soon after he passed away.
If you are struggling after the loss of a child you might be interested in the free guide I created for grieving moms, Continuing the Bond after Child Loss. Get it here.
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